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Friday, July 9, 2010

"Bad, Daddy...Bad!




Standing in line, waiting on my coffee to be finished, Starbucks was bustling with customers. Some in line, most at tables...ensconced in subtle conversations. You could close your eyes and envision the espresso seeping through the veins of everyone drinking. Waking those needing to be awoken....racing through the arteries of the coffee junkies.


It was, typically, like any other time we venture to our local Starbucks. The staff there love to see Bella. She loves seeing them. They know my drink, and Bella's cup is always adorned with "BELLA" and a heart, stars and butterflies..here and there... She actually demands her name be on the cup...at the very least.


So...waiting in line...Bella at my side...one person in front of us...one person away from my morning fix...I feel the fingers on my right hand squeezed...ever so slight. UH OH, Bella must see something she wants...usually a cookie, or donut...or...who knows...



Um, Er, Ahem, Uh...NOT THIS TIME!


"Daddy, Look - HE HAFFA BIG BUTT"


Instant Mortification! (Yikes, Yikes and more...YIKES!!)


There, in front of me in line, was a fairly large man...ok, he was pretty large....ok, ok, perhaps his shorter stature made him look larger....but no doubt...there was a rather large pair of gluteus maximus...staring back at me. I honestly had not even noticed this person in line...in front of me...practically in my face.


But, Bella did...and let EVERYONE know it...


Damn! Do I laugh? (which is the usual for me)....or do I admonish her...in front of everyone...and HIM? (perhaps he hadn't heard this little voice, bellowing his backside measurements)!


Um, the kids behind the counter, making coffee...heating the milk...you know...LOUD! Well, they heard it...and turned away...quickly...so as not to bust out laughing...in front of HIM!


GAWD! I was shaken to my core...WTF am I supposed to do?


I lean down, practically on my knees...and say:


"Bella, Honey...He probably knows he has a big butt, but it is not up to you, to tell anyone. Ever, Ever, Ever. Now, please say your sorry"


"Sorry Daddy"



Walking out...she looks up...with watery eyes (after Daddy read her)..."He did haffa big butt Daddy"...'Yes Bella...he did...it was HUGE-MONGOUS!'


He never let on, if he had heard...he walked out...head held high...jiggly parts a'jigglin'


Bad Daddy, Bad Daddy!


Get your gluteus maximus on over to DAD-BLOGS for more hilarious, helpful and hair-raising fun!






11 BellaBuddies left comments! Ya know ya wanna!!:

Teacher Tom said...

Oooooo! That's as bad as when my girl started asking, in public, quite loudly, "Does that person have a penis? How about that one?"

Mark said...

You probably didn't notice his big butt because it was at Bella's eye level and not yours.
Yes, "kids do say the darndest things" and it sounds like you did a good job of correcting her.
I feel bad for her because she didn't even know it was wrong when she said it. She's a sweet girl.
Your Friend, m.

Mike and Mike said...

Although Mark's comment was truly kind and consoling, I'm afraid all I can say is BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Now, after my outburst, I will take your experience and file it away in my already overstuffed head in preparation for the day one of my lovely daughters makes a similar statement. I will then hope to God I have the same ability to calmly reprimand my child without first bursting into a fit of laughter.

Melisa with one S said...

We were in a restaurant when my older son, about a year older than Bella, saw the extremely obese manager walk by our table. He exclaimed, "Why is that man SO FAT????"

I was mortified. But we got through it, just like you did. :)

P.S. she's still adorable. :)

Amy said...

oh that is an amazing story. Where does Bella come up with it. Adorable. Embarrassing at the very least be still adorable!

SurprisedMom said...

Children always call them like they see them. Parents usually have to overcome their embarrassment and their desire to laugh to impart an important lesson. Well done.

Bella is wonderful and adorable, too.

Keith Wilcox said...

No. That makes you an awesome daddy! Do you know how many times I've heard parents admonish their kids for telling the truth? I bet you've seen it just as many times. You did the right thing by telling her she's not lying, but that telling people out loud is sometimes unnecessary. I had a similar incident happen to me as well, but I was at the grocery store and my boy pointed out that the register lady was obese. I think I said something very similar to what you said to Bella. These things can't be avoided you know. I'm sure the guy was not embarrassed at all. Like you said, he must know. Bravo to you!

PJ Mullen said...

Yikes, I'm so not looking forward to those days. Yesterday my son called the diaper bag I've been carrying around for both kids "Papa's purse". Got to love how unvarnished kids can be.

~Just me again~ said...

LOL out of the mouths of babes....when my eldest was 3 she pointed to a woman and loudly said mommy look at that PLUMP lady. I to can feel your pain LOL.

bellygirls said...

That's quite funny! I think you handled it very well! :) Bella is adorable - words cannot even express! :)

Mrs.Lemon said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA! That is so awesome. Thanks, I needed a good laugh.

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