Friday, June 19, 2009
Walk Down Memory Lane...
Happy Fatherhood Friday...and HAPPY FATHERS DAY!
With Fathers day this weekend, I thought it cool to (re) post how it all began....
Enjoy:
After about a year together, we'd decided the time was right for us to research starting our family. We'd talked about adopting, but being a same sex couple, it was determined it would not be the best thing for us, legally or for the kid. Too many things can happen, like bio parents coming back for the kid, etc...Besides, the state we live in does not allow it, by law.
We knew we had allot of love to give a child, as much as we had for each other. Our friends, a male couple together for many years, had triplets a few years before we met, so we asked for advice and referral. They suggested we speak with a firm out of Los Angeles which specializes in same sex surrogacy. We arranged an appointment, flew to LA and the process was started.
Now, it ain't easy for two men to have a kid, not like we can go out and knock someone up and wait for labor...(well, we could, but that hasn't happened in years, wasn't gonna happen then LOL)! NOOOOO, we have to consult with attorneys, fertility doctors (not the voodoo kind, the "we cost lots of money" kind), counselors, geneticists, sperm banks (someone had to store our "stuff"), egg donor extractors, etc.... Our bodies had to be poked, prodded, explored and counselled to insure our baby, and the surrogate would not be infected with any range of STD's or genetic maladies. Of course, the egg donor and surrogate had to experience the same, to insure our baby would be healthy.
Now, funny thing about the egg donor processes...ironic in fact...We were directed to a web site, and it was almost exactly like an online dating service. We were directed to see the pics, watch the videos, and read about the family health histories of so many women. Most were actresses, models and housewives in the LA area, young and quite beautiful. Educated and eager to offer their eggs to a same sex family...no worries, they are paid well for this. We chose our egg donor based on so many things, (looks of course) but also, genetic background, family health history, age, hair color, eye color...hell, even teeth. Yeah Yeah, Daddy saw one who was just perfect for our family, but, didn't care for her teeth. Papa said, "no worries, we can get them fixed later in life"...Daddy, says, "why bother?, we can find one with perfect teeth and not have to worry about it"...Daddy Won! We saw one woman, quite statuesque, blond, and Swedish...we were convinced she was the one...until we saw her video...SOOOOOO strong, stubborn, matter of fact and VERY competitive! Stubborn? I was like, NO WAY, I have to deal with one of those already not gonna have a kid like that too.....HELL NO! Ha...(Daddy Won that one too.) Now I suspect I know what you may be thinking, but trust me, I don't win too many battles..not even to this day...we knew from the beginning I would be a stay at home dad...so truly, not many battles for me to fight, let alone win anymore LOL!
Once the egg donor was chosen, it was a hurry up and wait scenario. The egg donor had to go through a few months of medical prep to "tune" her body into producing viable eggs for "harvest." During this process, behind the scenes, surrogates are thumbing through OUR profiles,. pics and bios, looking for the family they want to help create. Yup, the surrogates picks US, not the other way around. Think about it, they are a special breed. They offer up their bodies to carry, and birth a child. Not to mention, the 8 inch needles, full of OIL, for 2-3 months, faking their bodies into believing they are pregnant, readying for the embryo transfer...And of course, the 9 months of actually carrying a child that is not their own...stretching their bodies, for someone else's happiness! Again, not their own! So yeah, they get to pick whom they want to carry for. Hell, don't blame them...! They are paid well, but, in the grand scheme of things, no money can ever be enough, considering what they have to endure for more than a year...!!
We were eventually notified that a surrogate had chosen us....(finding out later, she picked us as her first choice). It was arranged that we meet, in Los Angeles and I don't have to tell you, my Partner and I were so thrilled...it was actually happening! She walks in the room, and I start crying, almost immediately. I mean, in walks a woman, so confident that WE are the family she wants to help create...I was so thankful for her...I couldn't help it, I hadda cry! It was like it all fit, no worries, no concerns, it was done! I can go on and on, with details and stuff, making this one hell of a blog entry, but I wont...you know the outcome, the family created here...the time and effort that goes into having a baby in a 2 Dad family is certainly more time consuming, more meds, more decisions, but hell, don't worry for us, we are damn happy to have our family started!!
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17 BellaBuddies left comments! Ya know ya wanna!!:
You're happy and I'm so happy for you. You have a beautiful daughter and I can tell from reading you blog how thoroughly happy you are. The best things in life take time and patience. Have a great Father's Day weekend!!!
Awwwww. I love it...thanks for visiting my blog, because it brought me to yours...and your beautiful story. Your family is gorgeous! Happy Father's Day to you both! Will be visiting often : ) Big virtual hug--
Aside from the needles and freezers, that's actually a lot more romantic sounding then when a man and a wife just have an oops in the back seat of their camaro.
It's an amazing journey, and one I thought we'd never take until we changed our minds.
Congratulations to you both again on entering "fotherhood" as I like to call it!
Happy Fother's Day!
That is a great story...I'm glad it turned out well for you guys...Enjoy your Father's Day and thanks for Posting!
Have a wonderful Father's day. You have a beautiful daughter and she is blessed to have you both in her life.
This gave me tears! You guys are the most wonderful daddies. Happy Father's Day to you both. We miss you!
Great post. The story is almost as beautiful as Bella herself..but not quite.
Happy Father's Day to you both!
Wonderful story!!! Love it!!! Shout out & high five to all those egg donors & surrogates out there that are helping people to become parents!! When I was younger I wanted to be a surrogate, but pregnancy was not kind to my body.
HAPPY FATHERS DAY!!!!!! Bella is beautiful!!
What a great story! Happy Father;s day to you both!
I love your story.
And Bella was perhaps one of the most beautiful babies I have ever seen. EVER.
Happy Fathers Day to you both!
Bella is lucky to have you 2 to love her as much as you do and to have such a wonderful family.
It's very evident that you have been through a lot, and deeply love your daughter. Your story is quite amazing (at least to a corn fed midwestern boy like myself :) ).
Happy fathers day.
A belated Happy Father's Day to you! I hope it was a wonderful one.
This is a beautiful post to match your beautiful daughter. You have a warm, loving family.
After reading that I can tell you that adoption is DEFINITELY an easier (and faster!) process (and apparently cheaper too)! Great story. You've got a very handsome family. I almost spewed coffee when I read, "after a year together we decided..."!!! HOLY COW! After a year together I was told I "wasn't marriage material". After 5 years together I was told I "still wasn't marriage material" but WAS, apparently, "father material"!
Your doughter is so cute :) I like to watch your pictures. We are from Austria and we also want to have a baby. I know for two men it is'nt easy but you made it !
David and Vince, this brought me to tears. We are so thrilled to know you and your beautiful family.