Friday, February 19, 2010

Back To The Future?

Happy Fatherhood Friday!

WALK, don't Run over to DAD-BLOGS for some hearty, healthy blogger fun and info!!

Grab you airline bag, flip up the toilet seat, this post is gonna be a spew heavy writing...guaranteed!

OK, maybe not so bad...but, it all started last Sunday...Valentines Day. Not sure what part of the day, but, go on, you know you are curious; read for yourself. You decide:

We'd had a "yummy-licious" lunch at a local Mexican restaurant. One we frequent on the weekends. Earlier we'd participated in an historic homes tour...(lucky for us, no snow like the rest of the country AND we had temps in the 70's). Bella LOVES home tours...asking often if we can "go looking at homes today?" Bella had her first Lemonade Stand experience. with moi drinking most of it. As always (also on the weekends) we frequent the local Starbucks...enjoying coffee, chai tea and of course, the brownies. Bella LOVES the brownies...and the bling donuts, the chocolate donuts and apple juice. We always seem to have a full on eat all you can weekend...and I eat or taste most of everything. (Notice a pattern here?).

Back at home that evening, I wasn't hungry for dinner. I prepared meals for everyone else in the house and settled myself with an apple and some, it was filling. And I felt good about my choice. Healthy! We exchanged Valentines gifts and settled in for a night of easy, relaxing television and play.

So, Sunday night (3:22AM - yeah, yeah OK, let's be specific - Mon morning)...I woke with a tummy ache. Nothing unusual. Sometimes I get that "ate too much odd stuff and have a sour stomach), I laid there for a few moments,,,thinking, if I move my body around a bit, the ickyness will subside...well it didn't. It only got worse. Within moments, I was up...running...BARELY making it to the restroom...and...well, to put it mildly: SPEW CITY!

FOOD POISONING! And boy was it violent. I mean, I was not only praying to the Almighty porcelain god, I was DYING! Sacrificing this life for a white, shiny smooth demon...regurgitating all of life's edibles for the cause. What cause? Who knows, but it was the most complete offering known to man. Everything! For hours on end. Every hour, on the hour, up until about 8AM, I was violently strengthening my abominable muscles for the good of mankind. (honestly, it was the most "active" volcano of spew I have ever experienced).

Finally, able to sleep, there was nothing left to purge...(yeah, I even had some of the dreaded dry heaves). Painful, to say the least. My partner had checked on me several times, and me, being the embarrassed type, said I would be OK, before shutting the door. Perhaps to mask the sound, the smells or insure my vomit face was not exposed. Dunno. But, hey, he cared enough to check...despite the scene. (Tee Hee). He even took that day off from his work, and took over the daddy day care responsibilities. Although this is a pretty awesome event, I was so involved in my own turmoil, I barely had a chance to notice...of course, I thanked him profusely afterward.

So, Monday morning, I wake...first thing on my mind...'how is my stomach, am I gonna spew again? Nothing....WHEW, I was first. I then realized, I couldn't back. Seriously, my legs would not move. My toes would. Not the legs...not the back...nada. I was practically frozen. Some digits tingled, some moved freely. Scared, I yelled out, as each movement only heightened the pain in my back. Seriously, I COULD NOT MOVE. I rolled this way. I rolled that way, and each time, I screamed out in pain. What the hell?

In a split second, my warped imagination kicked in..."OMG, I am PARALYZED" joke, it was that bad. Finally able to maneuver myself out of the bed...I tried to walk. And fell. My legs gave out at the slightest EXTREME wince of pain...seriously folks, it was very very bad. I would take a few steps and collapse...on the floor. This went on every time I got out of bed and attempted to walk...over and over...all day long. My mind was working overtime again...I thought: "If this is what it is like getting old, arthritis setting in, or being paralyzed, unable to walk, or function normally...then what happens to my little one:...How one earth can I take care of my toddler, play with her, run with her...and in general, do the everyday chores necessary to live a normal life...HOW???

If something were to happen to me, in the house, with our young daughter around, how would we get help? Who would come to our rescue? How would Bella deal, handle this?

SO MANY things running through my head as I tried to walk...tried to yell out for many things, and yet, no answers to the questions were forthcoming...futile. I was (am) the only one who can fix this.

Making a long long story short, I recovered. Finding out that I had spasmed by back...strained it really, while spewing. That's right folks. You can actually throw your back out by vomiting. So, beware...the Almighty porcelain god will not only take your food sacrifices, but your body as well.

When I Was finally able to walk again (at least 24 hours later) without falling...I started in on the little one. "If Daddy falls and gets hurt, and cannot get up, who do you call?" "If Daddy gets REAL sick and cannot get out of bed, who you gonna call?"...911...Of course, Bella finds it funny, and realizes she gets to play with the phone...and starts with 9911. Um, er, ahem, no Honey, not I wrote it down...she gets it now. Also, l had to teach her how to turn the phone on talk to dial...but she is a smarty...she gets it.

What she doesn't get the fact that someday, I am gonna be old...infirm...and she may have to change my diapers...wipe the drool from my face...clean the chocolate pudding off MY legs...

Oh The Sweet (Irony) Revenge!

Click on these helpful sites:
Teaching your child how to use 911
Stranger Danger Quiz
Private Places


15 BellaBuddies left comments! Ya know ya wanna!!:

PJ Mullen said...

I have had those same thoughts about what we would do if something happened to me. Who would watch little man, how would he react, etc. Of course and he's younger than Bella, so it sometimes freaks me out. Anyway, glad to see you are feeling better. I had no idea you could throw your back out throwing up. Yikes!

Mark said...

Wow, that was really descriptive. But now that I know you are better, I can say, it was also funny. I can't wait to read your Posting 10 years from now when you'll talk about how Bella never gets off the phone.

Mrs.Lemon said...

OMG.....LOL.....I am so glad you are ok, you poor thing. I had to laugh since your last post was titled "I just threw up in my mouth a little today" - how ironic considering what actually happened the next day!

SAHD PDX said...

That was brutal, sorry.

ciara said...

one thing i absolutely HATE HATE HATE doing is throwing up. even if i feel the slightest hint of it coming on, i will suppress it even though i KNOW i will feel better. i would say that in the last 5 or 6 years i may have only thrown up two times though the need to has risen up in me on more occasions than i can count lol

i'm so glad you recovered. it's good that bella is learning how to call 911 in case something happens. my kids are older, i would HOPE they know how already lol

Que said...

That's crazy. I had the stomach flu a few weeks back and I had a similar problem. The good news is that I lost 8lbs in a little under 30 hours. So if I could find a way to market that...

seashore subjects said...

Ouch! My back was twinging just reading your description. Having strained my back carrying a little one in ice skates for 2+ hours (yeah, I'm dumb) I felt your pain. Glad you are better!

Toddler Knows Best said...

yuck. I don't do vomit. It only comes out the other end for me. Just tell the puke to beat it. His kind ain't welcome around here...

Mocha Dad said...

Dude, back injuries are terrible. I'm glad you're feeling better. I often have the same thoughts as you and PJ about what would happen to my kids if I were somehow incapacitated. Unfortunately, these thoughts often occur when I'm on a an airplane 30,000 miles in the sky.

Jason, as himself said...

Ah, man! That really stinks. I'm sorry you went through all of that. Have you gotten any closer to deciding what it was that made you so sick?

Keith Wilcox said...

Well, I'm glad you're feeling better. That's an awful feeling -- the helplessness of it. You know, I was pleased to find out that the Denver Childrens museum has an exhibit (donated by Denver EMS) on how to dial 911. The kids can use several different kinds of phones to do it and they get to listen to practice what to say to an operator on the other end. It's very cool and hands on.

Anyway, I got food poisoning about 7 years ago at a bar (like a fool I ate the fish and chips). I had similar sorts of things happen to my body, except I actually knocked myself out. I could have thrown out my back easily but instead I heaved and then had a massive head rush and keeled over backwards. I hit my head on the bathroom doorknob and knocked myself out cold. My wife found me all disguising looking on the bathroom floor and thought I was dead. Ok, no more details :-) It was gross and very embarrassing. I'm glad you're better now!

Teacher Tom said...

Sound scary! I'm glad you're better.

My friend Aaron told me about a time when his back suddenly went out while reaching for something on the top shelf at Target. He crumpled him to the floor and there he was with his 2-year-old daughter. Apparently, no one helped him! He said he crawled to his car and somehow managed to drive home, all the while having thoughts exactly like yours. Yeesh!

Only a child can eat donuts with juice. =)

~Just me again~ said...

Aww lol..I do hope you're feeling better. I have to laugh at Mark's comment. It's true in 10 years you won't be able to keep her off the phone. We spend the first two years teaching them to walk and talk and the rest of their life telling them to sit down and be quiet ;)

Spuds said...

I've been "out of pocket" today, so I just now read your post. VERY funny! Although, I will say that your posts have taken a "body fluids" theme of late... VERY COOL! As Ace Ventura says, "It is the mucous that binds us!" Be good, BD!

Mommy With a Penis said...

YIKES! That's the kind of even I only want to read about. I worry about Sebastian having to get on the phone and call for help. He insists it's 811. If my back spazzed out after a severe puke I'm afraid I'd send him out to call for help and he'd come back with the weather.

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